We’re diving into a brave, empowering topic: the strength and freedom that come with choosing to allow others to disliked you. Yes, you heard that right! As women in tech, we’re often conditioned to seek approval and avoid conflict, but embracing the reality that not everyone will like us is a powerful step for our careers.
In this episode, I share examples, including a personal story, to illustrate how being disliked can actually be a sign you’re on the right career grwoth track. This episode is designed to challenge you and inspire self-reflection on your values and the company you keep.
Take a few minutes after listening to identify who you wouldn’t want to praise you because their values don’t align with yours. Write it down and keep it handy for those moments of self-doubt.
To submit your question for me to answer on an upcoming episode, send me an email at Nicole@TrickSteinbach.com
You can be a woman in tech and enjoy your career. When you build the skill of bravery, you will stress less, work less, and then earn more. Check out the following resources designed to help you thrive in your career:
Join my mailing list for more insights, opportunities, and inspiration
Connection with me on LinkedIn
Transcript
There will be times that specific people dislike you and not only is that okay, it’s actually a sign you are on the right track for your brave career.
Welcome to the build your brave career podcast, where we flip the script on the tired stereotype that women in tech have to be stressed out, overworked and underpaid. I’m Nicole trick Steinbach, the international bravery coach and your host. Forget what you’ve been taught.
Bravery is not a personality trait . Bravery is a skill and building the skill of bravery is the most powerful way to creating the career and life you really want as you build your brave. You will stress less, work less, and then earn more.
This podcast will help you do just that. Let’s dive in.
We are diving into a pretty brave and somewhat controversial topic today. We are talking about the power. And the freedom that comes along with choosing to be disliked by certain people. Mm-Hmm. . Yep, yep, yep. You heard that right? Today we’re gonna talk about recognizing that you, dear woman and tech, you do not need to be liked by everyone approved by everyone.
In fact. By the time I end this episode, I hope you’re already thinking of people that you want to dislike you. We’re going to start with a foundational truth. Many of us women in tech were conditioned implicitly and explicitly to be agreeable, to seek approval, to apologize for things that aren’t our responsibility and to avoid conflict.
But to be successful. As professional women in tech to play a positive role in our industry. It is crucial that we not only know our values, know our skills and know our impact, but that we are occasionally. Disagreeable that instead of looking for approval, we look for growth, that we choose not to apologize, that we allow other people to experience the consequences of their choices.
And we need to step into conflict to ensure the impact of our work is positive. The reality is that sometimes. People are not going to like you, and that’s actually a signal you’re on the right track.
Sometimes you are not going to be wanted in a project, or a program, or a product, or even a culture.
And again, that’s a signal you are on the right track. This is so important. I want to repeat this.
There will be times that specific people or situations dislike you and not only is that okay, it’s actually a sign you are on the right track for your brave career.
I want to start off with a generalized example that you’re probably going to relate to, and then I’m going to share a specific example for me.
Picture this. There’s a woman in tech. She’s courageous. She’s skilled. She’s experienced. She’s ambitious, and she’s ready to make her mark. And she was at work with a man who was notorious for belittling others. And who consistently use bullying tactics to make himself look superior. He’s someone who gains power by making others feel small by taking credit for the work that they’ve done.
This woman in tech, because she is strong, because she is confident, because she chooses conflict and outcome, refuses to play along. She stays professional, she doesn’t shrink, and she won’t compromise her integrity, her ambition, or the results of her work to keep him comfortable.
And as a result, he just likes her. Here’s the liberating part. That’s actually a great sign, because here’s the part that you maybe are familiar with, and maybe not. There are people who see him for what he is and how he behaves. And when he dislikes her, Especially if he makes it loud, those people are going to take a warmer view to her.
How do I know? Because I have had this situation in my career. In fact, at my former employer, there’s a gentleman who dislikes me so much. That even though I haven’t worked there in over five years, I recently heard he was talking smack about me again. Guess how I heard that? One of the women who heard him talking smack about me five years after he didn’t have to work with me anymore is now a client.
This gentleman, because he is known for being such a bully and so bad at his job has run his mouth and has probably helped me over the last five years, make about 30, 000 being disliked can be a brave strength, especially when it comes down to values and excellence.
Let me be a little more general in my own life. And. This may hit you in a certain way, but there are people I genuinely want to dislike me. There are people and groups of people, if they put my name in their mouth with praise, would feel desolate. I would be questioning myself, reflecting on the choices I’ve made. Because if they are praising me, I have gone wrong somewhere.
For example, if members of the neo Nazi movement looked at me, Nicole Trick Steinbach, and said, She’s fabulous! I would be more than uncomfortable. I would rather people like that with those values and that level of critical thinking would look at me and say, I hate that woman.
That woman is awful. She is not on my team because I don’t want to be on that team.
Now, let’s be real clear. This is not about inviting conflict for the sake of conflict. It’s not about arrogance. It’s not about choosing to be unlikable. It’s about Honoring who you are, me honoring who I am, you holding your values and me, mine.
And when other people look at you and look at me and say, not for me, we say that’s okay. Because if you truly stay true to yourself, there will be people who disagree and who have a negative view of you, but that’s good. You don’t want them cheering for you anyways.
And here’s where I breadcrumb to this a little bit at the beginning, but now I’m going to be very specific. This is a super short episode by design because I want you to take the next 10 minutes and really reflect on your own values. And the people, maybe they’re specific, maybe they’re a group that you never want to take your name into their mouth with praise, reflect on who do you want to dislike you?
Because. Of who you are and how you move through the world and how you implement your skills and your values that were clear on who they are, write them down. And then whenever that fear of being disliked creeps in, bring that list out again and remind yourself not only is their approval, not necessary, their dislike is a sign you are on the right track.
So here’s to the freedom of being disliked by people who aren’t aligned with who you are and who you want to become. Here’s to the brave choice to choose accountability in the skill of bravery. Here’s to the joy of making room for people who value you, your skills, your values, your courage, and your humanity.
Thank you for sharing your precious time with me in this episode. Thank you for exploring this rave and challenging topic. Please this episode, especially share this with other women in tech who need the reminder, who need the inspiration that sometimes being disliked is exactly what you need. For your brave career to lower your stress, to stop working so much and to, yeah, begin to earn more until next time.
If the build your brave career podcast is helping you reduce your stress, work smarter, or create more income, please share this with a friend .