WHO Before HOW - a Peak into My Pain, Healing, & Growth

My word of the year 2021 is RECEIVE. I don’t know what I was aiming to receive in 2021 when I chose the word. What I have received in extraordinary, suckyAF, glorious healing.

With a therapist and a coach as partners, this year has been one BRAVE pathway to reveal, acknowledge, be present with, and continue to heal from wounds created in my childhood as well as those I co-created throughout my career, my marriage, my parenting, and my own relationship with myself.

There have been a lot of snotty sobs that emptied tissue boxes. A lot of “well, shit” exclamations and “I don’t want to” whines. I’ve filled up four full sized notebooks with my Models (CTFAR). I’ve thrown temper tantrums with the best of them, feet stopping and all.

And.

Meine Gute.

Has there been healing: extra naps, lingering visits with friends, apologies for ways that I have hurts others and myself, laughter from the bottom of my feet to the very tiptop of my head and all throughout my soul, re-connection with my joys, deepening connection with the most important people in my life, “I see this and I forgive this” moments of release, and so much gratitude. So much gratitude.

At this moment, in this time, I can feel precious seeds within my heart and my soul – seed of purpose and impact – unfurling.

If there was one secret to growth and success that fills my soul and wallet – rather than empties my soul and my connects while maybe filling my wallet – I’d say it is

WHO before HOW.

First: Who do I want to become?

Then: How does she feel? How does she listen? How does she rest? How does she connect? How does she move in her soul? How does she plan her days, weeks, months, year, life? How does she respond to hurts and pains? How does she embrace growth and love?

WHO before HOW

So much pain and disappointment is created between the gap of who we want to be (known or not) and who we are becoming. In 2018, the pain of who I wanted to be and who I was becoming was so painful, I couldn’t keep going.

The pain of wanting to be an engaged, trusted parent but instead becoming everyday a little bit more of an workaholic, everythingisonfireallthetime professional.
The pain of wanting to be an ally for others in the tech industry but instead becoming a snarky, overwhelmed, gossipy colleague and hit-or-miss leader.
The pain of wanting to look in the mirror with love and gratitude but instead becoming a soul that continued to make tiny, irregular decisions that went across my integrity and purpose in the world for a (I admit) really nice paycheck.

The BRAVE to step towards WHO in 2019 was a miracle that I created. Now, in 2021, the BRAVE to go deeper into my next WHO is a miracle I am still creating.

Who I am becoming:

The best coach for the most amazing women in tech, making real-world, sustained, and growing impact in the tech industry and beyond.

A mother of adult children who want to come home.

A soul in a cared-for body, deeply present and loving to me and everyone else.

So the questions for you are: Do you know who you want to be? Do you know who you are becoming? Is that what you actually want?

Episode 9 of the Celebrate BRAVE podcast dives deeper: Who do you want to be?

If you know the gap between who you want to be and who you are becoming is real in your life, please listen to the episode.

If you want a partner on these questions and the experience of choosing who you are becoming and making it real, I can help. Schedule your consultation.